This summer has been really hard. Probably the hardest since Conner was born just about 6 years ago (in 3 days, yikes!). That was a hard summer. Really hard. This summer is challenging in a different way.
After a very successful school year, we have had a really bad summer. I made a mistake. David too, but mostly, it's my fault. I thought since school went so well that we could be a little adventurous this summer with C. So far, it has not at all gone as planned. He didn't really have many friends to go to camp with so we just signed him up for stuff that we thought he would like. I had high hopes for nature camp, cooking camp and safety town. So far, none of it has lived up to expectations for several reasons. Maybe my expectations are too high for camp, but it's not even that mostly they weren't that great. It has to do with how C has managed at camp and how he has been treated. It has all been so much stress for us that the confidence we were feeling about him starting kindergarten is gone.
Nature camp was fine. Conner was a bit young (4-5 years younger than all the kids). He did fine but he didn't get it. The afternoon portion of the day was a bit overwhelming but he had fun. I didn't feel like it was the safest or best place for him but it was just 3 days, so in hindsight, it was actually not that bad.
Nothing could have prepared me for the 2nd camp, cooking camp. Conner had been looking forward to it for months and couldn't wait to see what they would be doing. Well let's just say that there was no "cooking" involved in the 2 days he was there (it was 4 days total). Conner came home after the first day and said camp was boring and asked when they would cook. I was confused. The 2nd day, the teacher pulled me aside after camp to tell me Conner was inappropriate because he came out of the bathroom in his underwear to ask for help with his swimsuit (I told her he would need help). She said he was not embarrassed and there was something wrong with that. She really stressed to me that his reaction to having no clothes on was not appropriate. It was a very uncomfortable conversation followed by a talk with the director who told David that he didn't follow instructions (to get in his swimsuit) and should have asked another child for help. I specifically tell him every morning before camp to ask an adult if he needs help. This camp was clearly not suited for Conner. And he really did not want to go back (the 2nd day, the "cooking" project was actually decorating gingerbread cookies). So we got a refund for the rest of the week and the following week that he was supposed to do there.
The 3rd camp was Safety Town. "Safety" town. Conner was SO excited about going to the fire department. Honestly, the camp was fine but the fact that there were 30 kids and the "teacher" just graduated college was a little stressful. There was no swimsuit/dressing involved so he survived that part. But then the bullying started. I actually don't know when it started but I know that it happened and it broke my heart. It has continued to break my heart since it happened over a week ago. And scares the hell out of me for when school starts. Little kid bullies. I just didn't think it was possible. I have cried more in the last few weeks than I have in 6 years. I'm a mess. If my kid was the bully, I would be horrified. These parents didn't really seem to be that upset. My kid would have been removed from the playground if he was bullying someone and I knew about it. Not these kids. Horrible. At 5, Conner has already experienced more than the majority of adults. He has to work so hard to do every little thing. He is sweet and kind and loves people. Why would anyone want to hurt him (or any child, for that matter)? Heartbreaking.
So last week, Conner stayed home with me. We had fun. My stress level was way down. We saw a movie, went to an Art Fair, had fun hanging out together. Then this morning, I dropped him off again and the stress returned immediately. He is supposed to be at this camp for 4 weeks. I have heard great things about this camp. I let them know that Conner stutters severely and that he needs help with his swimsuit and shoes. They said okay. Let's hope they mean it. He doesn't know anyone there. I gave him all the information I could this morning (ask an adult for help, use your "strategies" for speech, listen to the grown ups, go to the bathroom before swimming, etc.) and now I am just waiting for the day to be over. I'm hoping if it goes well, I will be able to relax a little. But after safety town, I think I will just worry.
Brennan is doing great and LOVES camp so at least I know that one child is safe and happy. I wish I could feel that way about both of them. I think we might skip camp next year. I would love to live somewhere with all year school. Then I wouldn't have to worry about all this.
School is looming over my head. I feel pretty good about Conner's ability to succeed but I'm so worried about the other kids. I didn't think I would have this worry so soon but unfortunately, I have seen that I was wrong.
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