Friday, January 8, 2016

January 8, 2016 - New Year

So here I am in 2016. I am feeling down in the dumps. I don't know why. I feel like I need a purpose. My days usually start at 2:30 when I pick B up from school, then C up from school and head to after school appointments and activities. I had hoped that at almost 9 years old, Conner wouldn't have so many appointments and we would have more time to do fun things or more interest in after school activities that didn't involve therapy or TV. But we aren't there yet so here we are. 

I look at Facebook every day. Maybe I shouldn't. I know half of it isn't real life or things that concern me. But I see all these people relaying all the wonderful things that are happening in their lives, all the great things that happened in 2015, everyone's vacations, wonderful jobs, promotions, purchases, all of their children's accomplishments (like EVERY SINGLE accomplishment, large or small). I shouldn't fault anyone, I mean, who doesn't like to brag about their kid. But it just has a way of beating me down. 

We did have some wonderful things happen this year but I felt like everything else overshadowed the few great things. But as I reflected on the year, I came up with a few things that made 2015 special. I went on my 2nd weekend with a group of extraordinary women with an amazing speaker whose words have resonated with me all year. I finally went to work at a camp as a camp nurse. After thinking about it for 8 years, I finally did it. I was so nervous but I just kept thinking about what I learned at the moms' weekend "If you think good, it will be good". And it was so much better than good. It was amazing. I had the best time at work. I had some great co-workers and I met some amazing kids. I loved everything about it. I, of course, regret not doing it sooner, but I'm so glad I finally did it. It's only a few weeks during the summer and when it was over, it was hard to get back in to life and the boredom that I feel when I am in our daily routine. We took a nice family trip to Florida and visited Disney World. The kids loved it and it was fun. The biggest problem for Conner was the walking but we made it through and we hope to do it again soon (as soon as we can earn enough Disney points!).  We participated in our 5th Dance Marathon at the University of Michigan and our 4th or 5th Walk 4 Friendship (can't remember). 

School was a humongous waste of time last year for Conner. His teacher did not get him at all and spent no time trying to figure him out. He continued to go to the Resource Room and thankfully his teacher there is still amazing but the majority of the day was a big waste. Thankfully, this year, his teacher has been great and we are seeing small progress every day. Conner's biggest issues are that he struggles with independence (getting ready, being responsible for his stuff, working on his own without someone sitting right near him), confidence (believing that he can actually do more if he tries) and just his overall dislike of doing work at all. He is behind in almost all areas. It's frustrating to work with him because he just doesn't try or just can't focus. But thankfully, we are moving in the right direction and I guess that's all we can hope for at this point.

Brennan has had 2 amazing years in her preschool. Her teachers are beyond excellent. She has made some really sweet little friends and loves going. I hope her love for school continues. She goes to school 4 days a week and I get one whole day to do fun stuff with her. She has been doing gymnastics this year and really is loving it. She is an anxious and shy kid and I'm hoping she will grow out of some of that in the next few years. We have such a great time together and I am going to miss our date day next year when she is in school every day. It's so hard for me to believe that she is almost 5. I'm struggling with that. I feel like I didn't have enough time to enjoy her little. Ugh. 

David continues to work really hard and does everything for the kids. He is seriously the greatest dad and I hope the kids realize how lucky they are. 

I worked very part-time at a swim school for about 18 months but couldn't make it work. The day I decided to leave was the day of Brennan's school pictures when I didn't have anything special for her to wear. I realized that I just didn't have it together. I really used to have it together, I was organized. I'm not really sure what has happened but anyway, I gave up that job shortly after school started this year. I also worked for a great company this year called Better Life Bags. If anyone is reading this, you should really check it out. I had the opportunity to work at local/regional art shows and spread the message of Better Life Bags. It was a ton of work but fun and a great way to get out a little. That is done as of the end of 2015 also. So here I am trying to figure out what I want to do when I grown up.