June 3, 2012 - Teary

Today we tried to take a family walk. Conner started out so excited to put on his roller skates (the kind that go on shoes) and Brennan was riding in a little car with a push handle. We started out with Conner being upset that we couldn't locate his knee pads (it's actually been so long since he's warn the skates, we can't even remember if we ever bought any). We FINALLY got the whole family out the door and Conner wanted one of us on each side of him. He kept saying "this is trickier than I thought it would be". So we made it to the neighbors' house (by this time Conner was already on the grass) when we decided to get his bike instead.

So David ran back to the house with the skates and got his bike. He knows how to ride his bike with training wheels. He rode it great last summer. He has ridden it great this year. But he has these special pedals attached to the pedals of bike that we use to secure his feet so he doesn't have to worry about his feet, he just worries about pushing with his legs. And the pedals have come off the bike. They've been off for a while, but every time he gets back on the bike, he melts down over the pedals. As he struggled to ride his bike and was getting so upset, my eyes were welling up with tears. We try to stay strong, to not show emotions, to just keep encouraging him, but sometimes it's so hard. It's hard to watch him try so hard to do something that is so easy for other kids, something that even last week he seemed to know how to do. It's like every time he gets on the bike, holds a pencil/crayon, eats with a fork, etc. etc. etc. he has to relearn the skill.

I mean, we are so lucky that we are working on riding a bike with Conner. He walks and talks and does so many things. But as a parent, you want your child to be just like everyone else. Today just happened to be a hard reminder.

I think I was super sensitive because I saw a mom of a kid that's in Conner's class. To be fair, I'm not 100% sure which of the girls in the class is her daughter, but I know she's in his class. Anyway, she was shopping for birthday party favors. And Conner wasn't invited to her birthday party. He hasn't been invited to a lot of the kids parties this year. I don't know why I care. It's saved us a ton of money this year. But I care and it makes me sad. I want Conner to have friends and for everyone to love him as much as we do. I guess I'm just feeling down today.